Popping cherries & Letting Go Part 1

So, part of my quest for change includes getting into shape and losing weight. Since one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result I decided this time the usual "eating right and exercise" just wouldn't do. I decided I was going to run in a race! An actual, bona fide race! With a number pinned to my shirt, mixed in a swarm of people, wiping sweat from my brow and grabbing water bottles in the heat of the run before flinging them to the side! And to prove I was serious, I would have to pay an entry fee! I used to run in my early 20's for 2 miles a day (I was in the Army so I had to) but I'd never ran in an actual race. The race that will have the privilege of popping my race cherry is the Bay Six Battleship North Caroline 5K run to be held on Sunday, Nov 7th at 8 am. I have to pay!I get a thingy pinned to my shirt. I even get a shirt!
Soon after my decision I set out to inform anyone who would listen. Good in some cases, iffy in others. My daughter was excited, even as I recruited her to be my race buddy; my son, completely indifferent; my fiancee supportive; my future mother-in-law silent as she smiled at me (I want to think inside she was supporting me - after all "silence is consent" right?); her husband chuckled and expressed that he'd "like to be there and see that"; my co-worker looked over my 180lb frame and outright giggled. I then promptly googled marathon training, picked http://www.jeffgalloway.com/ out of the lineup and discovered a plethora of good running knowingness expressed in a way that a heretofore non-runner like myself can understand. And there's a bunch of pretty cool easy to follow training programs. It's like "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Running" online. I'm almost done with the Beginner's program which is essentially walking 3 times a week. Next month it's the Conditioning program which integrates small increments of running into my walking regimen and then it's on to the full blown 5K. In the words of the computer generation....XDXDXDXD!!!! One good thing leads to another - Mr. Galloway mentions the importance of getting the right shoes which lead to the purchase of Runner's World where the caption of over the title called out to me in big bold letters SHOE BUYER'S GUIDE. And that led me to these babies:


















This is the Saucony Progrid Hurricane 12. Runner's world says they are "for injury-prone and heavy (that's me) or average (I wish!)weight runners as a durable trainer." I'm salivating. For someone like me cursed with ankles that like to twist, I can't wait to get my hand on these puppies. The price - $140 - screams "Serious Runner". Plus they're cute. In two more weeks my pretties, you will be mine!!!!

Now onto the "Letting Go" part of this post, I was going to write a bunch of stuff about the power of saying "No" and not caring about perfectionism, not setting ridiculously high expections, but it's 10:49 pm. I've already spent 45 minutes writing, and in keeping with Mr. Galloway's advice, "Beginners who don't put pressure on themselves seem to have an easier time staying with it.", this is me not putting pressure on myself and saying "Good Night"! I'll be back tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel! Tune in for part 2!

The Day Of Small Beginnings

In the last three years I've been through separation, divorce, moved clear accross the country, became pregnant three times, miscarried three times, received 2 speeding tickets in 1 month and held 5 jobs for no more than 3 months each (the economy in 1 case, terrible employers in 2, a risky decision in 1, and an absolute shit job in the last one until finally landing my current position, 7months and going strong). It was after the third miscarriage that I finally came to this realization - I am a Drama Queen. Not the in your face kind, mind you. More like the Mt. Rainier Volcano kind - quiet and still on the outside, deep, boiling lava on the inside - and was responsible for most, not all, of the crap that happened in my life especially in the last few years. Admitting this set me free because I didn't say it as a way to beat myself up, nor am I a control freak. Instead it was an honest recognition that if I could take responsibility for my actions that contributed to my misery, I could choose to act in a way that contributed to my happiness.

This year, I set out to make true, authentic and lasting changes in my life that I always knew I needed to make, that I always meant to make but didn't because there wasn't enough time/money/energy/(insert excuses ad nauseum here). While the idea of blogging has been simmering about my thoughts for quite some time, it took a movie based on the main character's blog (yes it's "Julie & Julia" and it's Julie Powell)to finally get me to do it. And not for the reasons you would think - I'm not hoping for a book/movie deal here. Nor am I under the illusion that I'm not one of the many hundreds of others likewise inspired. As many of my fellow humans, we live in the sidelines of our own quiet and desperate lives waiting for a sign, any sign that urges you to "go ahead", "take the leap", "just do it". What inspired me is that another human being - flawed and imperfect as I am - followed her heart and it changed her life. All I hope to accomplish here is the satisfaction of having just DONE IT, "IT" being the positive, lasting changes that I want in my life. Writing this blog and sharing my story is one of them and if it can inspire anyone else out there, so much the better.